Skip to main content

Fuck you, raccoon.

I like to walk alone. It lets me think about things. It lets me create things. The sounds I hear, the things I see--they make scenes in my head. For movies. Or stories. It's nice. Kind of meditative. Just drifting into a different way of thinking.

I passed a trash can on my way home last night. Something rustled inside of it. I stopped and listened. The rustling continued. I was alone. Slowly, I stepped closer to it. It was too dark to see anything. I peered over the edge of the can. Black.

The rustling continued.

I leaned over to get a better view. Suddenly, a large raccoon jumped out of the can. I jumped back. "Ohfuckingshit!" I said. Not very cool. The raccoon climbed out of the can and waddled calmly into the bushes. I clutched my chest as my heart rate returned to normal.

Fucking raccoons.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Side effects include constant irritability, being an ass.

It was a typical day in MUS 307 . A typical day where nobody pays attention to anything the professor talks about. A day where people play shitty flash games instead of take notes. A day where people sit and refresh their Facebook newsfeed instead of follow the slides. A day where people roll their eyes and go to sleep instead of listen to the music examples. A day where people get up and leave ten minutes before lecture ends instead of having the God damn decency to stay the whole time and pretend to be interested. I mean, if you're going to be so unaffected by the music we're studying in class then why the fuck did you take the class in the first place? Fuck it makes me mad. And I haven't even started talking about that fucker who sits in the back and tries to whistle along with every song that gets played in class. Alright, dude, we get it: you are just too cool and you know everything about jazz, ever. You know every standard ever written and everybody's so...
4 comments
Read more

Pseudo-science (like psych).

I consider myself a man of science. I try to approach problems and deal with them logically, using observations previously recorded to handle new problems. So of course my interest was piqued when someone I knew posited that men are needier and more complicated than women. An interesting theory. But to properly examine it, one must understand the concept of sexual selection and its two aspects: male competition and female choice. Which brings us to point one: men are needier [in relationships] than women. This is true. In a natural/primal setting, the males are generally love-'em-leave-'em kinds of guys. Their main objective is to reproduce as much as they can. Humans, in their infinite wisdom, have decreased the emphasis on this to the point where it has become a footnote in male purpose. Civilization dictates that, instead of finding a partner for the sole purpose of reproduction, males find females for life companionship. With the effective removal of their natur...
5 comments
Read more

No, Holmes, no!

All I ever think about these days is how much I have to/want to study. I hope that's not how I have a good time, now. Would I rather go hang out with peeps or would I rather sit in and study? It is a difficult question to answer. Just a couple more days and then I can focus all my energy on the next greatest idea I've ever had: iconic detectives and sharks.
5 comments
Read more