everything is fine

I was surprised at how attached I was to the play when it ended. Or, at least, surprised at the realization of how attached I actually was compared to how attached I thought I was. Seeing all those people on the stage for the last time, it didn't really register. We were all still on such a high. Even with the final words and goodbyes. It didn't ever click. Monday came. And there I sat in my apartment, watching the digits on the clock blink in the dark. 8:00. 8:01. 8:02. And there it was. That restless feeling. Not like before. Not like finishing marching season. Not like finishing a movie. Not like finishing a song. Not like coming home after a long trip. A different restless. The bad kind. It was an empty feeling. Like I was supposed to be somewhere I wasn't. We sat down in the room on the side, away from the other people. The strangers. All the strange, strange people speaking loudly and singing songs in harmony. Acting strange and playing strange poison dart games an

"You should be a voice actor," she said. "Seriously, do it. Promise me that you'll at least try to act." I smiled an empty smile and continued tying my shoes. "I promise." I said. "Pinky promise?" She asked. With some reluctance I hooked my pinky around hers. "Pinky promise." Then, I put on my jacket and walked out the door. As far as goodbyes go, the whole thing was so appropriate. In high school, I never particularly liked actors. Theater kids, I mean. Or theatre kids. It wasn't an active dislike, really. I'd never been slighted by them or wronged in any way. It was a tolerance for the most part punctuated with bouts of annoyance. Or not even that, really. I just never had any interest in being a part of it. I could never get myself to be quite so melodramatic about everything that ever happened. This was somewhat funny to me at the time because of how badly I wanted to make movies. I wanted to be a director. I also en

When I was in high school, I had one of the best teachers ever. Not just because he was a fantastic teacher but because he was also a fantastic person. I've almost certainly talked about him before, but it bears repeating. He shared stories from his life during our classes. Told us about the mistakes he had made. Like going to college with his then-girlfriend instead of his friends. They had broken up, leaving him at a college away from all his close friends. "The lesson," he told us, "is that sometimes, yeah, bad things happen. But these can end up helping you in the long run." He paused, then, and let it sink it for a moment. "I guess sometimes shitty situations turn out well. I ended up focusing on my work and doing well." Then he paused again. "Alright, you know what, just forget it. But remember that good things can happen, okay?" "When you finish your assignment, turn it in on the schtool ." Just like he said would