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Pinky promise.

I was surprised at how attached I was to the play when it ended. Or, at least, surprised at the realization of how attached I actually was compared to how attached I thought I was. Seeing all those people on the stage for the last time, it didn't really register. We were all still on such a high. Even with the final words and goodbyes.

It didn't ever click.

Monday came. And there I sat in my apartment, watching the digits on the clock blink in the dark. 8:00. 8:01. 8:02. And there it was. That restless feeling. Not like before. Not like finishing marching season. Not like finishing a movie. Not like finishing a song. Not like coming home after a long trip. A different restless. The bad kind. It was an empty feeling. Like I was supposed to be somewhere I wasn't.

We sat down in the room on the side, away from the other people. The strangers. All the strange, strange people speaking loudly and singing songs in harmony. Acting strange and playing strange poison dart games and pantomiming strange fantasies. "We don't belong here," I said. "Yeah," she said. "I know we don't." I couldn't help but let my gaze wander, watching and judging all the strange people gallivanting around the room. "Look at these people," I continued. "We really don't belong here."

But, I couldn't help but think. It would be pretty cool if we did.

Honestly, I didn't expect to get so close to those people. Those people. Like they're some different breed of animal. Those boisterous people with their inefficient rehearsals. At least they were honest and sincere. And they weren't theater people. At least, not like I'd imagined. They were just regular people. Well not regular people, I guess.

Friends.

"We all need to hang out!" "For serious, though. People always say that and it never happens." For a brief moment, I am not my usual self. I am actually earnestly hoping to see these faces again and hear these voices again. For a brief moment, I refuse to accept that it is the end of this group. For a brief moment, I think that these friendships will last.

Maybe not so briefly, actually.

Comments

Carolynn said…
This is really moving, man.

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