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So this is what a circ is.

"Why did you become a doctor?" I asked Dr. Harkins. "Because I love doing circumcisions so much." He answered. He shot me a sideways glance before making his first incision. I laughed. The baby struggled against his velcro straps and screamed. "Alright, dude, you hate this; we get it." He said as he tightened the clamp.

Labor and delivery is nothing like the emergency department. It was much slower. The walls were nice and homey. The nurses were like family. Everybody was very nice and approachable. It was very boring.

Every patient was the exact same. Pregnant female. Back pain, abdominal pain, contractions. Oh, you're having a baby soon? I wasn't expecting that! And everyone was very protective of their vaginas. Ma'am, your vagina is about to be ripped open by a miniature human in the most disgusting of human processes coupled with a couple other very disgusting bodily processes, I thought. Any dignity you're trying to hold onto now is going out the window in about an hour. I smiled and stepped out of the room while the nurse did her cervical inspections.

Three vaginal births and two circumcisions later I was stepping into the C-section room. "Oh there you are," Dr. Sorin said. "You can stand right here and we'll get started." He made the first incision into her belly next to her old scar. The fat was exposed and soon parted, which exposed the peritineum. "This is the abdominal lining." He said to me as he sliced it open. He pulled the skin and fat up and put his hand inside of the patient, moving his hand all around her abdominal cavity. What, I thought. What am I watching? He sliced into the uterus and pulled the baby out. The surgery technician moved in with the suction tube, sucking blood away. Blood shot through a tube between my legs. I jumped in the air as red shot out in a line against the white floor.

"Shit!" I blurted. "No, that's blood." Dr. Sorin said.

After the baby and placenta were delivered, he pulled her uterus out. "Come check this out." He said. He showed me her fallopian tubes and ovaries. Is this really happening? I thought. "Oh look at this." He said. He pulled out a section of her large intestine. "You can see the cecum right here." He replaced her intestine and sutured her uterus. He sewed her back up while telling everyone how the NBA exclusively had tall players to discriminate against Jewish people. He laughed and walked out of the room.

I walked out of the hospital digusted by vaginas and babies. Childbirth is only beautiful in concept.

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