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She laughed at my rockstar dreams.

Ultimate frisbee tryouts have left me exhausted and sore, but I love it. It's super competitive and I basically have no shot at making it onto the team, but the week-long experience was totally worth it. And it was fun. And at least I can say I tried and gave it my best effort.

I regret nothing!

But I lost it today. I lost my cool. I told him I was excited about my dad coming home. "What are you, gay?" He asked, snickering. I bit my tongue and let it slide. He didn't know better. But the whole thing repeated itself later when we were in the car. I listened to a message from my mom. And then I lost it. I turned to him. "If you say one more thing about my dad I'm going to punch you in the fucking face." I could feel my blood starting boil and my fist started to curl by reflex. "Are you serious?" He said.

"I'm totally fucking serious."

I hate losing control like that. Of my temper, of my emotions, of myself. It's just not something I'm supposed to do. People don't expect that from me. And I don't do it very much. I strive to make the boundaries of my patience very flexible. I try not to let people cross the line with me. But that doesn't always work. I mean, I'm entitled to get angry sometimes, right? I don't even know. Maybe I should start letting people cross my line so I can let off more steam. Then maybe they won't do it anymore.

Is that being assertive?

I guess I just need to talk stuff out. To stop bottling stuff up. It's just weird to do that. I never do that. And when I sit down and try to, I can never think of anything to say. I never have anything to really complain about when people are listening. Rather, I never really know how to talk things out when people are listening. Oh well.

I'm in a great mood, though. Life is terrific.

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