Skip to main content

She laughed at my rockstar dreams.

Ultimate frisbee tryouts have left me exhausted and sore, but I love it. It's super competitive and I basically have no shot at making it onto the team, but the week-long experience was totally worth it. And it was fun. And at least I can say I tried and gave it my best effort.

I regret nothing!

But I lost it today. I lost my cool. I told him I was excited about my dad coming home. "What are you, gay?" He asked, snickering. I bit my tongue and let it slide. He didn't know better. But the whole thing repeated itself later when we were in the car. I listened to a message from my mom. And then I lost it. I turned to him. "If you say one more thing about my dad I'm going to punch you in the fucking face." I could feel my blood starting boil and my fist started to curl by reflex. "Are you serious?" He said.

"I'm totally fucking serious."

I hate losing control like that. Of my temper, of my emotions, of myself. It's just not something I'm supposed to do. People don't expect that from me. And I don't do it very much. I strive to make the boundaries of my patience very flexible. I try not to let people cross the line with me. But that doesn't always work. I mean, I'm entitled to get angry sometimes, right? I don't even know. Maybe I should start letting people cross my line so I can let off more steam. Then maybe they won't do it anymore.

Is that being assertive?

I guess I just need to talk stuff out. To stop bottling stuff up. It's just weird to do that. I never do that. And when I sit down and try to, I can never think of anything to say. I never have anything to really complain about when people are listening. Rather, I never really know how to talk things out when people are listening. Oh well.

I'm in a great mood, though. Life is terrific.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Past the butterfly wall.

Spontaneous pneumothorax is a collection of air or gas in the space between the lungs and the chest that "collapses" the lung and prevents it from inflating completely.  Spontaneous means there is no traumatic injury to the chest or lung.   There are two types of spontaneous pneumothorax: primary and secondary. Primary spontaneous pneumothorax occurs in people without lung disease. It occurs most often in tall, thin, young people. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket but I can't answer it. We are in the middle of rehearsal. It is not an uncommon event. We continue to play. The strap of my saxophone cuts into my neck. The nylon is rough against my skin. I look out of place. Everyone else is dressed casually; shorts, shirts, shoes optional. There I stand, a button down shirt and slacks. I'm entitled to dress up a little. It's my birthday. My phone vibrates again. I always used to roll my eyes whenever I saw those scenes in movies. The phone call. The bad news....
2 comments
Read more

I'm a geologist, not an alcoholic.

I thought I had seen people drink before. Hell, I thought that I had drank before. But, clearly, I thought wrong on both of those counts. I cannot, for the life of me, think of a reason to justify all of the drinking that transpired down there last week. There was no rhyme or reason to it, it just was. Field work just makes a man thirsty. Taking this class was easily one of the best things I've ever done. We worked hard every day out in the field. Wake up at 7, leave the beach house by 8, hit the water by 9. My first three field days were in service on the R/V Acadiana , a 58 foot vessel that towed the CHIRP fish , the air gun, and the streamer to measure all the seismic data--looking at the subsurface of the seafloor we drove over. My second ship was the R/V Itasca using the multibeam , sidescan , and grab sampler --getting seafloor surface bathymetry. They were long, exhausting days and we returned to the docks around 6 or 7 every evening. And then, drinking. So much ...
1 comment
Read more

Yeah, that is not okay.

So stuff is okay, I guess. Things are alright. My friend and I are actually making some decent headway on our project. It's been such a long time since I've made a movie. Actually made a movie. Not just started it. I feel pretty good about where this is going, though. That's good. It's a good thing. I'm pretty excited about it, honestly. I think the scripts we've written so far are pretty funny. They are probably not as funny as I think. I tend to get unreasonably close to my work. That's okay, I guess. I think a lot of people tend to do that. It makes it hard to hear criticism. I have no problem with handing out the criticisms, though. That's always fun. Actually it is not all that fun. I know how they feel. That's okay. We're just having some casting issues, I guess. We're planning for a lot of side characters to come in for one-shots episodes, but we haven't quite managed to fill those out. Or develop the characters...
1 comment
Read more