Thought we were going together.

It's hard to know what to expect when you do things. So I just generally don't expect anything to happen as a result of my actions. This tactic invariably leads to one of two outcomes: disappointment because something bad happened (ie. I get in trouble) or awkward disappointment because nothing happens. They say things like, "I guess this didn't turn out the way you planned." and I think something like, Well no because I didn't plan anything, but this did turn out exactly how I imagined it would.

Awkwardly.

Sometimes I like to get on craigslist and look through the musician postings. There are always a bunch of them posting things like, "Need drummer" or "PROS ONLY - NEED GIGS" or "looking for like minded death metal grind core enthusiasts" and the like. But then there are some that are appealing to me. Like "lo-fi campus band seeks anyone for drums - have set" or "indie folk band seeks multi-instrumentalists - woodwinds welcomed!" And it's always so tempting to respond to them and say, "YES! YES! I'LL DO IT, PICK ME PLEASE!" But I know that I really don't have the time to devote myself to something like that right now. There's just too much else to worry about first. And it's a struggle not to click respond to post. Partly because I want to do it so badly but mostly because I know if I don't, I'll have missed an opportunity and I'll regret it forever.

But excuses are so easy to come by.

It was the first time anyone had really gotten me mixed up with somebody else like that. I laughed it off. Felt bad man.

Comments

Pseudo-science (like psych).

I consider myself a man of science. I try to approach problems and deal with them logically, using observations previously recorded to handle new problems. So of course my interest was piqued when someone I knew posited that men are needier and more complicated than women. An interesting theory. But to properly examine it, one must understand the concept of sexual selection and its two aspects: male competition and female choice. Which brings us to point one: men are needier [in relationships] than women. This is true. In a natural/primal setting, the males are generally love-'em-leave-'em kinds of guys. Their main objective is to reproduce as much as they can. Humans, in their infinite wisdom, have decreased the emphasis on this to the point where it has become a footnote in male purpose. Civilization dictates that, instead of finding a partner for the sole purpose of reproduction, males find females for life companionship. With the effective removal of their natur...

Just the stirring in my soul.

I, really, kind of don't want to be here anymore. Not in the sense that I am dissatisfied with my life or my present situation--which isn't to say that I'm not , because I am in a way--but in the sense that I am dissatisfied with the lack of things happening. I keep looking around. Out the window of my room. Out the window of my car. Out the window of the living room. I want to be on the other side of that glass. That's where the action is. I need, desperately, an adventure. I need to go somewhere. See something. Anywhere, anything. I don't care where or what as long as it's happening. I want to travel so badly. Grab my backpack and my camera and walk away. I'd settle for going to the same state park I've been to a hundred times over. It's this routine I'm stuck in. Seeing the same shit every day, going through the same motions. I need to change it up, break things. I need some vitality--being cooped up is killing me. What I re...

No, Holmes, no!

All I ever think about these days is how much I have to/want to study. I hope that's not how I have a good time, now. Would I rather go hang out with peeps or would I rather sit in and study? It is a difficult question to answer. Just a couple more days and then I can focus all my energy on the next greatest idea I've ever had: iconic detectives and sharks.

everything is fine

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