everything is fine

I had so many things I wanted to do this weekend. The most important thing was to backup everything I needed on my computer so I could format and install actual Windows 7 and not just pretend Windows 7. I remember what happened last time I ignored the "you have X hours until your copy expires" and it was horrible. In preparation for the whole system maneuver, I was going to draw up a queue of comics to send in for the week just in case something went wrong. And organize everything I was transferring, deleting what I never used or looked at to regain some space since I'm such a horrible hoarder. Instead, I have 10 hours until my copy expires and I'm just now getting started on this stuff. Obviously I got a decent start on this. But I guess whatever happens this week will be well deserved, considering how much effort I actually put into this--and considering how much I should have. It was a weekend well spent, though. Some silliness, some assholery, and some pret...

I'm just so tired. And ready for spring break. I just want to step back from all these assignments and tests and things that need studying. I need that moment of liberation. That feeling of freedom that comes with being outside for a few days. I just need to feel a little unbound. I'm feeling a bit snubbed as it is now. There's just so much to have hanging over my head.

Well, now we're getting things back together. But it'll take more than this. I mean, this could be better.

I am really tired of living with or near people. I hate having a roommate. I hate coming home after a long day to sulk in my room only to find myself in the company of a noisy person who likes to watch sports talk shows with the volume too high. I hate living next to people that can use my bathroom. I came back to the dorms this weekend to find my sink covered in hair from somebody shaving and knocking the razor in it. It was black hair. I didn't shave and my roommate doesn't have black hair. These are people who seem to have no problem peeing on the toilet seat and leaving it like that. They are animals and I hate them. But, regardless of my unrivaled hatred for the subhuman cretins with whom I involuntarily share my living space, I pledge not to do anything aside from be passive aggressive. I won't put bleach in their contact solution, I won't secretly take chemicals from the lab and mix it into their mouthwash, I won't put my bodily fluids on their person...

My brother got suspended from school for fighting. Some kid spent the year bullying him and his friends and the teachers didn't do anything. He followed him into the bathroom where they exchanged unpleasant words and he started hitting David. And David went off on him. So did his friend, when David told him what happened. Just got up from the lunch table, went into the bathroom, and hit him so hard he cried. Put some solid hits on a bully. I mean, yeah, David lost his cool, but the guy had already hit him twice. Twice. Once is grounds for overwhelming response in my book. And aside from that being a great story about your buddies getting emotional and backing you up when something happens, it's a pretty good story about a jackass getting his ass beat like he deserves. I was proud of my brother for doing that. Violence is certainly not the best method of resolving conflicts, but damn is it satisfying when used. I mean, how do you stop a bully from bullying? Asking pol...

Man, I need to work on these backgrounds. They are lacking. Also I need to, you know, study the hell out of this chemistry. And geology.

I'm starting to push the character designs for these character. I hope I'm ready to keep up with it. It'll be a pretty big commitment to draw them as not stick figures. And pretty soon I'll being drawing them less and less like the cartoons I love so dearly and more like realistic drawings because I can't help but obsess over the things I do. I want to be better. I just can't get comfortable with where I am. It's like that with a lot of things, I guess. I'm just about ready for this week to be over.

I don't think I got enough done this weekend. Well, I mean, I know I didn't. Otherwise I wouldn't be scrambling to do things now. This week is just not going to be good. Just things and things and things to worry about. And do. Sort of do. Days to limp through. This weekend went pretty well, I think. The song even came through at the last second. A little up and down in the week leading up to it, but those things happen. And honestly, it doesn't really bother me all that much. People are different and like different things, and that's okay. It's better that way, I think. It keeps things interesting. We have different lives to live and, for the most part, it's better to keep it that way. Talking--or, rather, not talking--to the oral surgeon about when I can chew again was a little disheartening. I was really looking forward to eating normally again in a month, but the next appointment is almost at the end of March. After spring break. I guess...

My head is spinning with thoughts. It's just, you know. I'm totally finished with boy & robot . Time to start doing emergency medicine again, I guess.

The sleep doctor told me I might be narcoleptic. Then he gave me some pills to take in the mornings so that I'd feel awesome. So I guess we'll see how that goes. Fingers crossed. I don't know how I feel about potentially being narcoleptic. Well, I mean, besides tired. I restarted my zombie story and I think it's going quite well. Better than before. And before that. And before that.

I think I'm tired of being here. I want to go home. I'm tired of having a roommate constantly sniffling and cackling six feet away from me. I'm tired of drunken neighbors pinballing down the hallway. I'm tired of hearing suitemates shoot urine into the toilet like well pumped Super Soaker. I'm tired of the doors slamming and the chairs scooting and the fire alarms and seeing people everywhere. And all the noise, noise, noise, noise. I think I really just need to recharge outside. Go out and reconnect with the Earth. Have an adventure.

I used to hear the people above me having sex all the time. It was very noisy. The bed was noisy. She was noisy. The people banging on their door telling them to be quiet were noisy. The chair they somehow incorporated into it was noisy. It was funny at first, bearing accidental witness to what should've been a private moment, but then it became annoying. And then it became just another thing that you blocked out. Then they started fighting all the time. It was very noisy. He was noisy. The things he threw were noisy. The things he hit were noisy. The door slamming shut behind her was noisy. Her footsteps as she ran from the room were noisy. And then he would throw and hit more things. And then it would get quiet again. Just another thing you blocked out. It makes me wonder, though. About how much people really know about us. About our lives and the people in them. How much they know without letting on. I heard a faceless, nameless relationship fall apart through...

I feel really bad for not having accomplished anything this weekend. Especially since, I mean, you know, I had a lot of stuff to do. But what can I do now? Besides complain and feel bad, I guess. I really need to bunker in and get serious about school again. I just can't get out of this man I really don't care mind set. It is no good. But we played music today, and it was a good time. I played saxophone, and that felt really good. Even though nobody could hear it. It was legit--for the 10 minutes I managed to play it. I need to build my chops back up. Once upon a time I could wail on that for hours. Now I'm reduced to mere minutes. And I won't be satisfied until once upon a time is right now because I fucking love playing that horn. I also need to write some lyrics and music. Working with these dudes on their songs and writing things with them is pretty nice, but I need my absolute creative freedom. I've got a style and a vision I need to work toward....

I have a demon inside me and its name is adventure. It constantly aches and calls for more. I just need to do things. To go places, see things, meet people. New things, always new things. Only new things. It's not a want or a desire--it's a need. I need to get out there. I need that thrill. Taylor and I used to sneak out of gym class early. It's not like we skipped class, we just left a couple minutes before class got dismissed. I mean, we would've just sat on the floor otherwise. But it was a rush. Waiting for the coast to be clear and walking out the back door and around the school right before the bell rang. It was an adventure every day--how smooth could the operation go? And then one day we got caught. We ran right into Coach. "Why?" He asked me. He wanted me to blame Taylor. He never liked Taylor. "Because it was fun," I said. And I like adventures.

I was really excited to get a text about jamming this Friday. Even if it's only for a couple of hours, jamming is jamming. And jamming is something I don't do enough. We grabbed an old organ this past weekend. It's pretty exciting. It has to be at least 30 years old, and it's so much fun to play. I'm trying to write some lyrics to a song by Friday. Even though everybody is pretty chill, I still feel like I have something to prove to them. They certainly don't need another guitar and I'm too out of shape on saxophone to play for two hours. But I guess we'll see how it goes. I really need to figure out what's going on with my head. I'm having trouble remembering things. Not just assignments and thoughts, but things that I do. Earlier I forgot that I had already gone to the bathroom. If I don't write things on sticky notes or on my arm then I'll forget them entirely. I feel fuzzy in the head. And my roommate is sick and I am goi...