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Disappointing memories, revisited.

So I saw my cousin this weekend. I haven't seen him in years. I have so many fond memories. We used to run around outside on his land. Riding horses and ATVs. Dark tag. He was older than me, and I looked up to him. Then he made some poor choices. Now he's feeling the consequences of that.

Supposedly.

I couldn't help but distrust him. His motives for visiting. His words. I could smell the smoke on him and the sores on his arms gave me something to wonder about. He looked like he was in his 40's. It was hard to believe he just turned 21. I shook his hand and smiled. Then I checked my wallet. I thought he was going to steal something.

It took a lot of effort for me to laugh at his jokes. I didn't want to. He wasn't the same person I knew before. "It took you long enough to get here." I told him. "I got lost," He said. "I had to take every wrong road before I found the right one." It's like threading a bike chain, I thought to myself. Or the story of your life. I smiled and followed him out the door. You haven't even taken half of the roads.

I should feel bad for feeling that way about him. The truth is, I have no empathy for him. He put himself in that situation. His mistakes that he refuses to recognize. "I prefer to see them as 'lessons' that I can just look at." He told me. "I don't look back with regret." "Oh." I said.

That's okay. Seeing him again was a lesson. I won't forget it.

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