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I have a plan. Right?

So I quit my job today. It was a pretty good after that. During one of my breaks I went into the break room. The vending machine in the break room is an older model, I guess. It has an interior compartment that revolves around. You can choose from an assortment of snacks that you do not want. I tested the door in front of the Mountain Dew. It opened. Huh. I thought. A free drink! I closed the door, pulling my free drink out. Suddenly the machine freaked out. It started beeping and spitting quarters out. Jackpot! It spat out $20 in quarters.

So I put them in my bag.

I've been thinking lately. Ever since Tuesday, really. People ask me what I'm doing a lot, now. "I'm in an EMS class," I tell them. "Are you going into medicine?" They ask. "No, I'm a geology major." I answer. "But I want to be a musician. Or a filmmaker." They stare at me for a second. "Oh."

"Why?" They ask.

I do not know. I don't know what I'm trying to do with my life, honestly. I've been going through the motions for so long. I don't have any aspirations. I don't have any ambition or motivation. It's as if I'm content with just surviving. I'm not, though. Working on that ambulance on Tuesday set something in motion. In my head. I can feel it. It's working. Helping those people. Carting them into the room.

They turn and look at you. You look back at them as you stand in the doorway. Their eyes say everything but they still talk. "Thank you." They say as the nurses move around them. You smile and walk out of the room. You wash your hands and get back on the ambulance. It's satisfying. Helping people. It's worth whatever cost.

It made me think, though. Is that what I should be doing? Is that the wind for my sails? When I was working out there I felt something. It was a good feeling.

Do I have the will to follow up on that?

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