Moving, keep moving.

People are difficult. Right now, they're your best friend. In a second you won't be able to stand another second with them. You'll be hugging them one minute and struggling not to punch them in the face the next. It's ridiculous. Is this how healthy relationships are supposed to go? Probably not, I think.

That's okay.

I like to think of myself as a pretty calm guy. I can tolerate a surprising amount of nonsense from people. Most of the time. Everybody has their bad days. Those days where it just seems like every little thing is stacked against you. Every word someone says to you is twisted and amplified until it's a personal attack. It wears you down. Until you don't even want to stand up anymore. What's the point?

I can feel the bitterness. I can feel it rising in my throat as I look around at everyone. Why, I think. Why are you surrounded by people like that? In truth, I don't stand to gain anything from, well, anything I decide. Only to lose. Losing is not so bad. It takes loss to define happiness, right?

I'm so ready to put up walls again. Blockade everything. Burn all the bridges. I'm ready to go to the island and just sit. What's the point of all of this, I think. No, I answer. What would be the point of all of that.

Comments

Pseudo-science (like psych).

I consider myself a man of science. I try to approach problems and deal with them logically, using observations previously recorded to handle new problems. So of course my interest was piqued when someone I knew posited that men are needier and more complicated than women. An interesting theory. But to properly examine it, one must understand the concept of sexual selection and its two aspects: male competition and female choice. Which brings us to point one: men are needier [in relationships] than women. This is true. In a natural/primal setting, the males are generally love-'em-leave-'em kinds of guys. Their main objective is to reproduce as much as they can. Humans, in their infinite wisdom, have decreased the emphasis on this to the point where it has become a footnote in male purpose. Civilization dictates that, instead of finding a partner for the sole purpose of reproduction, males find females for life companionship. With the effective removal of their natur...

Just the stirring in my soul.

I, really, kind of don't want to be here anymore. Not in the sense that I am dissatisfied with my life or my present situation--which isn't to say that I'm not , because I am in a way--but in the sense that I am dissatisfied with the lack of things happening. I keep looking around. Out the window of my room. Out the window of my car. Out the window of the living room. I want to be on the other side of that glass. That's where the action is. I need, desperately, an adventure. I need to go somewhere. See something. Anywhere, anything. I don't care where or what as long as it's happening. I want to travel so badly. Grab my backpack and my camera and walk away. I'd settle for going to the same state park I've been to a hundred times over. It's this routine I'm stuck in. Seeing the same shit every day, going through the same motions. I need to change it up, break things. I need some vitality--being cooped up is killing me. What I re...

No, Holmes, no!

All I ever think about these days is how much I have to/want to study. I hope that's not how I have a good time, now. Would I rather go hang out with peeps or would I rather sit in and study? It is a difficult question to answer. Just a couple more days and then I can focus all my energy on the next greatest idea I've ever had: iconic detectives and sharks.

everything is fine

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