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This is me, Mr. Moody.

I am exhausted. This weekend did not turn out the way I had hoped or expected, and I didn't even expect that much. The whole thing just seemed to be a long, drawn out ordeal that was over before I even realized it started. I would rather have been miserable in class than do the whole weekend over again.

I have never really understood periods. Specifically, I have never quite understood how a girl can not realize it's her "time of the month" when "that time of the month" features blood coming out of her vagina. That just boggles my mind.

But it's my time of the month. I can't help being moody sometimes. I try not to give in to mood swings, but everybody is entitled to a little emotional wonkiness every once in a while. These past couple of days, though, I feel like there's some kind of seething bitterness welling up inside of me. And I'm doing everything I can to hold it in, but it's leaking out at the seams. This unbelievable negativity, violent anger. All I feel like doing is screaming and breaking everything I see. I want to start fights and burn all my bridges with everyone and go explode in a room until I collapse.

But I won't.

And on the surface above that, I go between being almost normal and wanting to break down. I can't stand it. I just want to be normal, and it's exhausting. Just bad feelings and bad news. This is what happens when you bottle things up, I'm told. But I'm really not comfortable talking about the things that bother me to people. Force of habit.

And some of the things she said really hit me. Maybe it was because I was feeling off or maybe it was because I was really listening. Probably the latter. I felt guilty. Because she was right. About pretty much everything. Like I'm making a bunch of mistakes but I'm getting away with it because I'm nice. And I'm really not okay with that. After that conversation--well, couple of comments, really--I thought about all my faults and organized them into one big long list. I have too many problems to fix and that's not okay. She deserves better than that. But, I mean, I'm just having an episode here. I just generally feel bad about everything.

But I'll be just fine in the morning.

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