Greatest show in heaven, hell, or Earth.

It was totally by accident that I found it. I mean, I never check that e-mail address and I probably never would have if it hadn't been brought up in conversation. But I did and nestled somewhere between the dozens of spam e-mails sat a message from an old friend. September 20, 2009. What was I doing in September? Writing pseudo-angsty bullshit, probably.

But my friend was not.

It was a heart-felt message about friendship and it killed me to be responding to it seven or eight months after the fact. Communication is a difficult thing. I often feel like I'm not as great a friend as I could be. As I should be. And I hate that. I should be more supportive. I should be more accessible. I should be more open. I should be better. It's something to work on, I guess.

In my never-ending and often reckless pursuit of adventure, I impulsively signed up for a Marine Geology Field Course this summer. Go to the coast for a week? Alright. Go out on boats into the ocean? Alright. Adventure? That sounds like one to me. Except, with every new bit of information that comes my way I'm realizing a little more that I'm actually in way over my head. I don't have any of the pre-requisites for this class. And I keep forgetting that it's a class and not a fun thing that I signed up for.

I'll have to remember to get my smarts on while I'm getting my sick tan on.

I haven't really been taking my comics too seriously lately. I think I'm just burned out on everything. Classes and drawing and doing stuff. I just want to go bunker down under a tree and play some music. Watch clouds go by, waste a whole day, all that kind of bullshit. I need to detox. But, per usual, there is no such thing in my forecast. No rest for the wicked kind of stuff.

Oh well.

I went swimming the other day. With my awesome swimming shorts that I'd never wear by themselves because of my sickeningly pale legs and poor body image. They definitely made a difference though. I could tell there was an improvement in the quality of my swimming because I was actually swimming laps. Encouraged, perhaps, by my awesome swimming shorts. I can only hope that

Comments

Anonymous said…

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May 8, 2010 at 4:14 PM

Carolynn said…

Never ever said "should."

May 23, 2010 at 11:46 PM

Pseudo-science (like psych).

I consider myself a man of science. I try to approach problems and deal with them logically, using observations previously recorded to handle new problems. So of course my interest was piqued when someone I knew posited that men are needier and more complicated than women. An interesting theory. But to properly examine it, one must understand the concept of sexual selection and its two aspects: male competition and female choice. Which brings us to point one: men are needier [in relationships] than women. This is true. In a natural/primal setting, the males are generally love-'em-leave-'em kinds of guys. Their main objective is to reproduce as much as they can. Humans, in their infinite wisdom, have decreased the emphasis on this to the point where it has become a footnote in male purpose. Civilization dictates that, instead of finding a partner for the sole purpose of reproduction, males find females for life companionship. With the effective removal of their natur...

Just the stirring in my soul.

I, really, kind of don't want to be here anymore. Not in the sense that I am dissatisfied with my life or my present situation--which isn't to say that I'm not , because I am in a way--but in the sense that I am dissatisfied with the lack of things happening. I keep looking around. Out the window of my room. Out the window of my car. Out the window of the living room. I want to be on the other side of that glass. That's where the action is. I need, desperately, an adventure. I need to go somewhere. See something. Anywhere, anything. I don't care where or what as long as it's happening. I want to travel so badly. Grab my backpack and my camera and walk away. I'd settle for going to the same state park I've been to a hundred times over. It's this routine I'm stuck in. Seeing the same shit every day, going through the same motions. I need to change it up, break things. I need some vitality--being cooped up is killing me. What I re...

No, Holmes, no!

All I ever think about these days is how much I have to/want to study. I hope that's not how I have a good time, now. Would I rather go hang out with peeps or would I rather sit in and study? It is a difficult question to answer. Just a couple more days and then I can focus all my energy on the next greatest idea I've ever had: iconic detectives and sharks.

everything is fine

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