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On the defense.

So I thought it would be a good idea to go running today. I dressed out and took off running toward the Capital with my music getting me pumped up. As I made my round around the building, my ear buds fell out so I stopped to fix them. It hit me, then. The dizziness and the seeing spots and all that. I felt sick, and so I walked back home.

I never really shook that malaise though.

There just isn't enough time in the days to fit in all the studying I need to do. I can barely focus on anything because I'm trying to focus on everything at the same time. I love being stressed, but this is a little too much for me. There are too many important things that need to go well for me to keep track of. I'll go ahead and say it: I am unhappy with my situation.

She brought up something that she was unhappy with. Which is good; that's what we want. It's always been much easier for her to do that. But it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair and I didn't have the energy or the will to deal with it. And it really wasn't worth getting into something about, because that's what would've happened. It's hard when you have two hard headed people butting heads over little things. Like two pachycephalosaurus bashing their skulls together.

Maybe I should focus on geology like everyone keeps trying to tell me to.

So I left. To save us the headaches that were most assuredly coming. I walked slow and listened to the music and just detoxified in the dark. And I realized that it wasn't important. It's a dumb little thing that we'll get over--just like with everything else. "You're lucky I like you," she told me. "Oh I know," I said.

I've been a little self-conscious these past few days. Worrying about being too skinny and body image and eye color and hair and all kinds of nonsense bullshit. Totally out of character. And I'm totally over it, now. I don't have time for it.

I pointed up at the sky as we walked back. "First star of the night. Make a wish." She looked up for a moment. "That's a plane." "No, the thing next to it," I said. "That's a planet," she said. "It doesn't matter," I said. "It's the first bright thing in the sky." "It has to be a star," she said. "Otherwise I can't make a wish." Little things make me remember why I'm so lucky.

And the people above me are fucking again and I'm down here memorizing the chemical formulas of minerals and I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING.

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