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Partridge in a pear tree.

I'm worried about everything again. It's not just the one thing. It's this and that on top of this compounded with that and encompassed by all of it. I can't sleep but I'm exhausted and I can't eat but I'm hungry and everything gets all twisted up and confused and I'm just spinning in circles. And it all bleeds over into everything else until I can't do anything. I can't focus on any one thing. I can't just calm down and breathe. It's all panic, all the time.

Fuuuck.

December was supposed to start off great, but I'm wringing the water out of my shoes and trying to warm up and study and relax and not stress out about everything. It's just not fair. None of it. I just need something to hate about myself, I guess. It's the masochist coming out. But then she's on the peripherals catching the collateral flak and it's just not great. And I have a test tomorrow and the day after and the day after and then finals and then surgery. I guess what it really comes down to--what I'm concerned about more than anything else--is that. I'm not excited.

I'm scared. And I can't think about anything else.

Comments

Spen said…
I'm praying for you this week man! Supernatural peace in the midst of the storm. What is the date of your surgery?
December 1, 2009 at 10:58 PM
Gabe said…
Thanks, man! It's December 16th.
December 2, 2009 at 7:28 PM
Carolynn said…
The surgery will be no big, plus, you are going to make it through this and on to the break and it will be awesome to sleep in all day with no tests and quizzes and draw all the time.

Everything is going to be fine, Gabe. You just have to push straight through the other side of awful right into awesome territory and when you get there, pieces of awful clinging to your hair and shoes and stuff, you will feel as triumphant as you feel shitty now.

I am going to go study now.
December 2, 2009 at 8:34 PM
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