Skip to main content

Hallelujah zig zag nothing.

Patient presents with nausea, dizziness, light-headedness, fatigue, and general sickness. Only allergic to minocin, has seasonal allergies. Currently taking ibuprofen, fluticasone propionate (nasally). No pertinent history. Last intake was a multi-vitamin.

When I woke up this morning I felt incredible. I slept and slept and slept and when I woke up it was still eight in the morning so I slept some more. And after I showered I felt great. I was well rested and ready to tackle Monday. And then I went outside and immediately felt terrible. I don't know what the deal is. Maybe I'm dying. Who knows.

Today was an especially exciting day in organic chemistry. There was a couple behind me who kept talking about random shit during the lecture. It was at this point in time that Dr. Bocknack began to discuss the dihydroxylation of alkenes, and drew the intermediate: an osmate ester. The couple looked up at the figure in confusion, abruptly ending their conversation about cesarean sections. "What is that?" She asked. "I, uh, I don't know." He said. "It looks like oxygen and sulfur in the middle, there." "Yeah," she said. "And it's got, like, eight bonds coming off of it. It has to be oxygen and sulfur."

But it was osmium.

And they never figured it out. And I was pleased. I find it really satisfying when I get to see things go poorly for people I don't like. Everybody does, I think. It's our sadistic side coming out. We are, after all, just animals with fancy shoes.

Comments

Carolynn said…
Schadenfreude is a beautiful thing.
November 2, 2009 at 9:58 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Past the butterfly wall.

Spontaneous pneumothorax is a collection of air or gas in the space between the lungs and the chest that "collapses" the lung and prevents it from inflating completely.  Spontaneous means there is no traumatic injury to the chest or lung.   There are two types of spontaneous pneumothorax: primary and secondary. Primary spontaneous pneumothorax occurs in people without lung disease. It occurs most often in tall, thin, young people. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket but I can't answer it. We are in the middle of rehearsal. It is not an uncommon event. We continue to play. The strap of my saxophone cuts into my neck. The nylon is rough against my skin. I look out of place. Everyone else is dressed casually; shorts, shirts, shoes optional. There I stand, a button down shirt and slacks. I'm entitled to dress up a little. It's my birthday. My phone vibrates again. I always used to roll my eyes whenever I saw those scenes in movies. The phone call. The bad news....
2 comments
Read more

Pseudo-science (like psych).

I consider myself a man of science. I try to approach problems and deal with them logically, using observations previously recorded to handle new problems. So of course my interest was piqued when someone I knew posited that men are needier and more complicated than women. An interesting theory. But to properly examine it, one must understand the concept of sexual selection and its two aspects: male competition and female choice. Which brings us to point one: men are needier [in relationships] than women. This is true. In a natural/primal setting, the males are generally love-'em-leave-'em kinds of guys. Their main objective is to reproduce as much as they can. Humans, in their infinite wisdom, have decreased the emphasis on this to the point where it has become a footnote in male purpose. Civilization dictates that, instead of finding a partner for the sole purpose of reproduction, males find females for life companionship. With the effective removal of their natur...
5 comments
Read more

I wonder, sometimes.

I am standing on the edge of a cliff face. A breeze whips past me as I stare out into the darkness. It's a familiar sight, comforting. The river bends below me. It stretches out, away from me at both ends. The arch of the bridge traverses the river, silhouetted by the house lights and golf course below us. So far away from us. The highway reaches out before us, straight into the hills and disappears on the horizon. It is silent. There are no cars. No planes. No animals. It is just us standing on top of the cliff. As it should be. It's late. A late weeknight. Just a normal Tuesday night to the world. I step away from the edge. In 5 minutes, I will be 22 years old. It's a turning point in my life. A fixed checkpoint. I'm only 21 years old, I'm not an actual adult yet. Maybe legally. But I'm still a child. I'm immature, I laugh at fart jokes. I laugh at everything. Why would I take anything seriously? 21 years old and we still have no responsibilities. We c...
2 comments
Read more