Frail deeds might have danced.

"As far as I can tell," the doctor said. "There is nothing wrong physiologically. So our next step is go ahead and talk to those people--the psychologists and doing the sleep study. But in the mean time, I'm going to give you some samples for you to try and experiment with. And keep in mind that I'm doing this reluctantly, but these helped me when I needed it." And he sent me on my way.

"I am not a big fan of medication," he told me as he leaned back in his chair. "And I don't know if you have a predisposition to develop addictions to medications--that certainly seems to run in the family. But I think there are other options to pursue in this thing. Other ways of figuring it out."

It makes me wonder, as I sit here with these samples lined up on my desk, what my end goal really was with all of this. Do I really want to figure things out and fix them for real or do I just want the crutch? Do I just want to point at myself and say, "Look, I'm broken," or do I want to actually be better instead of feel it? These are things that keep me awake and these are things that stop me from taking the medications.

But, I mean, you know. Life's tough, dude.

Comments

Pseudo-science (like psych).

I consider myself a man of science. I try to approach problems and deal with them logically, using observations previously recorded to handle new problems. So of course my interest was piqued when someone I knew posited that men are needier and more complicated than women. An interesting theory. But to properly examine it, one must understand the concept of sexual selection and its two aspects: male competition and female choice. Which brings us to point one: men are needier [in relationships] than women. This is true. In a natural/primal setting, the males are generally love-'em-leave-'em kinds of guys. Their main objective is to reproduce as much as they can. Humans, in their infinite wisdom, have decreased the emphasis on this to the point where it has become a footnote in male purpose. Civilization dictates that, instead of finding a partner for the sole purpose of reproduction, males find females for life companionship. With the effective removal of their natur...

Just the stirring in my soul.

I, really, kind of don't want to be here anymore. Not in the sense that I am dissatisfied with my life or my present situation--which isn't to say that I'm not , because I am in a way--but in the sense that I am dissatisfied with the lack of things happening. I keep looking around. Out the window of my room. Out the window of my car. Out the window of the living room. I want to be on the other side of that glass. That's where the action is. I need, desperately, an adventure. I need to go somewhere. See something. Anywhere, anything. I don't care where or what as long as it's happening. I want to travel so badly. Grab my backpack and my camera and walk away. I'd settle for going to the same state park I've been to a hundred times over. It's this routine I'm stuck in. Seeing the same shit every day, going through the same motions. I need to change it up, break things. I need some vitality--being cooped up is killing me. What I re...

No, Holmes, no!

All I ever think about these days is how much I have to/want to study. I hope that's not how I have a good time, now. Would I rather go hang out with peeps or would I rather sit in and study? It is a difficult question to answer. Just a couple more days and then I can focus all my energy on the next greatest idea I've ever had: iconic detectives and sharks.

everything is fine

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