I saw The Hurt Locker the other day. I actually quite enjoyed it. I was worried that the whole we don't film movies with tripods anymore and we like fast zooms would ruin it for me, but it wasn't to the point where I had to close my eyes or leave for a few minutes to steady myself. Like District 9 did. But either way, the last bit really stuck with me. He tells his son that you start life loving everything around you, completely fascinated by everything. And then, he continues, when you grow up you find out you love fewer things until you realize maybe you only love one or two things.
Or maybe just one thing.
I'm finally starting to figure things out. I, near the end of my junior year in college, have finally declared a major. No longer am I an undeclared third-year geoscience student. No, I am officially a general geology student going for a Bachelor's of Science. I even know how long it'll take me to graduate from college. I'm actually going to graduate. I actually know it's in the near future, rather. No longer am I simply drifting from semester to semester and signing up for whichever classes I think are good. I have a plan. I'm going somewhere, finally.
It's sort of a relief, but sort of not.
I mean, it's great to have that peace of mind. I'm excited. But the real world is coming up soon afterward. And by the real world, I mean hopefully medical school and the things that entails. The things that I've put precious little thought into. MCATs and applications and all kinds of things that everybody else seems to be on top of. It's not off in the distant future anymore. It's two years from now. I know how quickly two years can go. Hell, three years have past since I walked onto campus. That's crazy.
I don't know if I'm ready for all of that.
I think I want to do medical school through the military. Aside from it seeming like a very, very reasonable route in terms of finance and experience, it's sort of something I want to do. I guess I come from a military family. My dad and my grandfathers all have ties to it. So it's always been there in the back of mind as, well, something. Certainly not an obligation, certainly not a passion, but just sitting there. I don't necessarily think of military service as an inherently good or bad thing like some people tend to, I just sort of think of it.
It's sort of a call, somewhere inside of me.
I think I have a sense of duty, which is what draws me to medicine and makes me consider military service. One of those I ought to do this kind of things. I don't think it's out of a sense of patriotism. I'm pretty sure that trait has been successfully bred out of me by society. I think it's more of a somebody is going to have to do this and since nobody else wants to, I will sort of thing. I feel like that a lot. But also, I want to do something exciting. Doing those clinicals for the EMT course really stuck with me. The excitement of jumping out of the ambulance with a bag on my shoulder knowing that I was running straight into a real emergency situation. The excitement of running into the crash room as everyone scrambled around me and my EKG cart. The excitement of walking into five different rooms and finding five different people with five different problems.
That happened a year and a half ago and I still get excited remembering it. It was a rush. It was scary and exciting and I got such an adrenaline rush out of all of it. It was an adventure. And I am a sucker for adventures and excitement. Which also makes me think about military service.
And it kind of worries me. Like, am I thinking about military service because I'm an adult thinking critically about the most efficient route to a career in medicine or am I hoping to get an adventure out of it? If I go into the military, even as a doctor, I'll probably get deployed. Sometimes people have to kill other people when they get deployed. Sometimes people watch their friends get killed when they get deployed. I don't want to get excited about that. I don't want to figure out I get an adrenaline rush out of killing somebody. I know it isn't likely that a doctor would end up in a situation like that, but what I don't become a doctor and end up as a medic? A combat medic might end up in a situation like that.
The idea scares me, but not enough to actually deter me. And that scares me. I hope I'm planning my life around things because they are good things and not because I want to be amused.
I guess I'm worried that I might not know what it is in life I actually love.
Or maybe just one thing.
I'm finally starting to figure things out. I, near the end of my junior year in college, have finally declared a major. No longer am I an undeclared third-year geoscience student. No, I am officially a general geology student going for a Bachelor's of Science. I even know how long it'll take me to graduate from college. I'm actually going to graduate. I actually know it's in the near future, rather. No longer am I simply drifting from semester to semester and signing up for whichever classes I think are good. I have a plan. I'm going somewhere, finally.
It's sort of a relief, but sort of not.
I mean, it's great to have that peace of mind. I'm excited. But the real world is coming up soon afterward. And by the real world, I mean hopefully medical school and the things that entails. The things that I've put precious little thought into. MCATs and applications and all kinds of things that everybody else seems to be on top of. It's not off in the distant future anymore. It's two years from now. I know how quickly two years can go. Hell, three years have past since I walked onto campus. That's crazy.
I don't know if I'm ready for all of that.
I think I want to do medical school through the military. Aside from it seeming like a very, very reasonable route in terms of finance and experience, it's sort of something I want to do. I guess I come from a military family. My dad and my grandfathers all have ties to it. So it's always been there in the back of mind as, well, something. Certainly not an obligation, certainly not a passion, but just sitting there. I don't necessarily think of military service as an inherently good or bad thing like some people tend to, I just sort of think of it.
It's sort of a call, somewhere inside of me.
I think I have a sense of duty, which is what draws me to medicine and makes me consider military service. One of those I ought to do this kind of things. I don't think it's out of a sense of patriotism. I'm pretty sure that trait has been successfully bred out of me by society. I think it's more of a somebody is going to have to do this and since nobody else wants to, I will sort of thing. I feel like that a lot. But also, I want to do something exciting. Doing those clinicals for the EMT course really stuck with me. The excitement of jumping out of the ambulance with a bag on my shoulder knowing that I was running straight into a real emergency situation. The excitement of running into the crash room as everyone scrambled around me and my EKG cart. The excitement of walking into five different rooms and finding five different people with five different problems.
That happened a year and a half ago and I still get excited remembering it. It was a rush. It was scary and exciting and I got such an adrenaline rush out of all of it. It was an adventure. And I am a sucker for adventures and excitement. Which also makes me think about military service.
And it kind of worries me. Like, am I thinking about military service because I'm an adult thinking critically about the most efficient route to a career in medicine or am I hoping to get an adventure out of it? If I go into the military, even as a doctor, I'll probably get deployed. Sometimes people have to kill other people when they get deployed. Sometimes people watch their friends get killed when they get deployed. I don't want to get excited about that. I don't want to figure out I get an adrenaline rush out of killing somebody. I know it isn't likely that a doctor would end up in a situation like that, but what I don't become a doctor and end up as a medic? A combat medic might end up in a situation like that.
The idea scares me, but not enough to actually deter me. And that scares me. I hope I'm planning my life around things because they are good things and not because I want to be amused.
I guess I'm worried that I might not know what it is in life I actually love.
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Also, glad to hear you've declared your major. It's always nice to be able to see the plan, at least as far as you can. Good job bro!